Your divorce is over and you are tired of feeling depressed, worried and tired. Believe it or not, that is good news. That means it is time to heal after divorce. Taking the time to heal is all about you and your wants and needs, it is selfish and selfless and a process that must be done in order to move into empowerment.
Time to heal is not just about the point in your life that you are at. It does not measure a minute or hour on the clock; it is all about being ready to take that leap into wellness and moving forward with your life.
Taking the time to heal is not something you can’t afford. It is something you can’t afford not to do. People who are divorced are out of money, but at the same time they are in desperate need of help. What do they do? They visit blogs and ask questions and hopefully get answers. They muddle through the best way they can, hoping that the next day or the day after that, they will wake up and feel better.
Sometimes they do wake up and feel better and sometimes they don’t. When you are waking up and not feeling better, it’s time to heal, and you can’t put a price on health. The TIME process is taken from a wonderful book, Re-Singled, 12 Truths, Half-Truths and Untruths of Divorce. It is a way to heal and become a new you.
TIME to HEAL – Tough love, Inner work, Makeover and Energy
Tough Love: The decision to divorce or the act of divorce is nothing but the beginning of the road to healing. Healing is not about putting down a bandage and some ointment and going along your merry and now-healed way. Healing is about doing some very hard work that includes digging deep and acknowledging where your limiting beliefs, your judgments and your actions may not have represented your best self.
You need to be the master of tough love. Call it a gift or call it a curse, but it is what it is. You can’t beat around the bush, put up with lame excuses or time wasters. It is TIME to get a job done, and that is what you are going to do, get the job done.
Inner Work: You have all heard of the quote, “no guts no glory”? That is what inner work is, and it all depends on you. Only you can get yourself through this in a positive, life affirming and healing way. You are stronger and more powerful than you know and you will be able to dig deep to heal those wounds. It is all about starting to recognize the patterns and emotions that have gotten you to the point at which you stand right now, but it will be up to you to find those patterns deep down and make those changes.
Inner work is an ongoing daily process. You can’t slack off or forget to do your homework. You have to be committed – note that this is also where some tough love comes into play – but the end result of peace, contentment, fulfillment and happiness will be worth it. Everyday you will see a change for the better.
Makeover: This type of makeover isn’t about a trip to the salon or the gym, although that would be lovely, but an inner makeover. Through the inner work, you now recognize what doesn’t work for you and the makeover is all about making the changes to what does work for you. How do you know make the changes to what does work for you now?
You set up a plan and goals that are achievable and doable and realistic. Each goal will have steps that will lead you from point a to point b, and when you reach the target of point b, you will feel so empowered, that the enthusiasm to move to the next goal will be real. You will have tackled the issues at the core and overcome them, and you can’t get better healing than that!
Energy: Physically, emotionally, logistically and financially are just some of the tolls that divorce takes on your energy. Energy is not limitless, because if it was we would all be superhuman, and we are just plain human. In order to heal, we must use our energy in every single aspect of the time process though. How do we do this?
Channel your energy into productive things like letting go and working on yourself. Resist the urge to fight change or give away your power to people or situations that do not serve you. Don’t worry, your coach will keep you energized and on track when they see you slipping, and slipping is normal, so don’t waste your energy on beating yourself up when you do, and you probably will.
It’s okay to take some step backwards; this is why you have a coach, to keep urging you forwards. And, the payoff of TIME is huge.
When Does the Healing of TIME Begin?
Why not now? Isn’t it TIME to heal??
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